How to Avoid Insecurity in Online Relationships

Within any relationship, it’s hard to be 100% happy, 100% of the time.

I believe that no matter how confident one may be, any average dater will usually come to a point where they have doubts or insecurities when in a relationship.

Generally, it can range from nit-picky aspects you wish you could change about your significant other, disapproval for how they act, anxiety of being not good enough for them, or weariness on where you two will be in the future.

The list goes on, and I haven’t even gotten into specifics!

It’s hard enough going through the rough points of a regular, offline relationship but imagine if you had these doubts (and honestly much more) while being in an online relationship. 

There are many things that make relationships online different from the conventional, physical relationship, and in my opinion, much more uncertain for both individuals involved.

Ultimately, the one you love is far away, behind the screen of your computer. Sometimes, you spend so much time with it, it may feel like you have feelings towards your machine instead.

Every day, when you aren’t talking to your online boyfriend/girlfriend through your phone or laptop, your mind aches with the constant thought of “I wonder what they’re doing right now.. I wonder if he/she is thinking of me…. When will I talk to him/her next?”

Staring at the screen, you wait, and wait, and wait, for them to come online or for a notification to pop up with a reply.

The truth is, you’re close to them, yet you have never met them. You know who they are inside and out, and yet, you have no idea what their every day lives hold, or how they are in person. It’s all because of the distance.

The relationship can feel very one-sided, where although they are putting in effort and actively communicating with you, nothing is more of a confirmation then seeing and being with them physically.

Until that happens, doubts and insecurities escalate like the pile of clothes on your bedroom floor.

I’ve definitely been there, and felt that. Being a shy and very insecure girl growing up, relationships for me have always stressed me out, especially as my past online relationship has developed. Worrying, over-analyzing, and day-dreaming is what I do.

My advice to you is:

When you start to get some of these anxious thoughts, ask yourself, is this really possible of happening, or am I just worrying myself sick? 

If your significant other gives you a reason to worry due to what he/she says or how he/she acts, then you should express your worries to them.

Otherwise, when an anxious thought crosses your mind, PAUSE, take a breath and acknowledge that it’s a useless thought, and STOP thinking it.

Fill your mind with the good, confirming aspects about the person and your relationship with them.

____________

When you need to express your insecurities and doubts to your partner, do it in a clear manner.

Plan what you want to say and how you want to word it beforehand to prevent confusion. Don’t be afraid to be BLUNT and tell them truly how you feel, otherwise they’ll never know and they’ll never take it seriously. 

ANALYZE their reaction.

Are they understanding?

Or do they immediately get defensive and make you back off by throwing the punches at you instead?

If it’s repeatedly a struggle to come to them on how you feel and to get answers, you should know that it’s not right to behave like that.

There’s no way for the relationship to be healthy, and something permanent if you can’t communicate with them. 

Do you agree with me?
Have you ever been in this situation?

Your online friend,
Caroline

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