The Basics Before Committing to an ‘Online Love’

So, you’ve met someone online. They may be someone who you’ve just started talking to through Skype calls, private messages on Facebook, or texting on your iPhone into late hours of the night.

They may be someone who makes you grin painfully at the screen; who makes your heart race when a notification goes off, who you think about every second of every day.

But don’t get too ahead of yourself. Be careful.

(Just a warning, you may come to hear that a lot.)

Speaking from experience, I know what it’s like to have these feelings build for someone unexpectedly and early on into an online correspondence.

When you catch yourself fantasizing about them your friends and family may think you’ve gone off the deep end. And maybe even you do, too. Still, you just can’t get the thought of them out of your head.

Soon, you’ll be thinking about your future, what it would be like to be in a relationship with him/her. Picturing the way that their face will light up when you meet them for the first time. Maybe you’ll even begin to imagine your wedding, the names of your unborn children, where you’ll settle down…. the possibilities are endless.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with having these thoughts. It’s perfectly normal to entertain the idea of a happily ever after with your digital chosen one. The difference lies in how responsible and realistic you are about the relationship.

Before you pursue anything further, here are a few tips I have.

1) COMMUNICATION IS KEY

One of the best things about online relationships is that it’s all about communication.

Instead of being able to go to each other’s houses every day, dates to the movies, or standing in front of them with the urge to kiss them, you’re staring at a screen.

That’s the cold, hard, reality of it.

It gets lonely on Friday nights when there’s a party you’re missing out on, aggravating when they’re not online when you are, worrying when you hear about their every day life and you wonder if they could do better then you.

There are many obstacles to online relationships. However, communication between each other is key.

Don’t be hesitant to really talk to the person. It’s the only way that things will progress into a healthy, serious relationship and the only way you’ll really get to know the other person.

It’s a good sign when you two can talk endlessly about anything, especially if him/her is interested in learning about you, your past, and your thoughts on things.

Communicating with someone when the circumstances are online, is special. Special because you see sides to their personality they may keep hidden from others in their every day lives. You can learn truths about them that no one else knows, and help them in ways that no one else can.

 2) NO WARNING SIGNS!

With every relationship, online and offline, there are always warning signs. Whether it be how his/her past relationships have panned out, how he/she treats their friends, parents, or siblings, or how they view certain things in life– it is important to be cautious. How they treat others is how they will eventually treat you.

It’s also important to make sure that you get to know as much as you can about the other person. It’s not a bad idea to research them online in order to make sure they are who they say they are and everything checks out.

Remember to be careful and not too naïve. I suggest keeping your guard up, and listening to what your gut tells you when stories fall through or little things in their behaviour make you feel uneasy.

Although, not every flaw is a bad one. One thing about relationships are accepting someone’s flaws, appreciating them for who they authentically are, and showing them that there’s nothing wrong with their flaws and weaknesses.

There are certain flaws to run away from, and others that make them who they are in a beautiful way. It’s your choice on what you can handle, and your call on whether something is a bluff or not.

 

 3) BE ON THE SAME PAGE

Up to investing yourself into this person, you need to be able to address either or all of these aspects: 

–  If they are ready for a relationship, especially if it’s online
–  If they have serious feelings for you
–  If they can be committed to you through long distance
–  If they have any insecurities or worries that may come up while dating

The worst thing to put your mind through is negative thoughts that can never be answered, unless you ask them.

Don’t be afraid to confront them and find out what their intentions are with you.

The more you put off asking them how they feel about you, the more you BOTH will assume that the other isn’t interested in pursuing more than a friendship.

For some people, it takes time and certainty in knowing what they want. Remember, everyone is different. Just give it some time.

 _________

Most of all, remember to have fun with the person and everything the relationship comes with. .

Someday, they could be right in front of you, giving you the future you’ve dreamed about with them.

It doesn’t mean that right now, it’s not real.

___________

Have you ever been in an online relationship? 
Do you have any tips that I haven’t mentioned? 

Tell me your stories, & know that I’m always here with advice,
Your online friend,
Caroline

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